Should I Get My Child Diagnosed with ADHD/Autism?

A lot of parents ask me the question, “Should I get my child diagnosed with ADHD/Autism?” It’s a challenging question to answer because I am not a psychiatrist and am therefore not qualified to diagnose, and this is a big caveat. ALWAYS seek the advise of medical professionals. However, I can share my story of late diagnosis in hopes of providing some insight.

Growing up, my brother was diagnosed with ADHD, but I wasn’t. I used to think of ADHD as a “naughty boy disorder,” and since I wasn’t as outwardly naughty as my brother, I thought it couldn’t be something I had.

Throughout my childhood, I felt like an outsider, but on the surface, I looked and acted like an insider—simultaneously fitting in everywhere and nowhere. This highlights that being neurodiverse is more about how you feel internally than the behaviours you exhibit externally, as these are just symptoms of the internal experience. I had to move primary schools due to being bullied, and being bullied was a theme at some point in most social and educational setting I was in.

As I progressed through life, I was impulsive, reckless, and, at times, just plain foolish. Retrospectively, these destructive behaviours can be linked to untreated and unmanaged ADHD. Feelings of never being fully comfortable and relaxed in social settings, despite being described as “charming and charismatic,” led to feelings of inadequacy. My internal feelings were at odds with my external state, which eventually resulted in unhealthy coping strategies, such as underage drinking and later, binge drinking through university.

During my university years and early working life, I developed coping strategies to manage my executive dysfunction, namely stress and anxiety. While these strategies enabled me to be relatively successful, the culmination of high stress levels led to a temporary loss of sight in one eye. At this point, I suspected I had ADHD but had no idea how all-encompassing the condition could be.

The sight-loss set off a chain of events that changed my life for the better. I was referred to mental health services and diagnosed with chronic stress and anxiety. However, my self-awareness during talking therapy did not align with my scores. After several referrals back and forth, with the mental health team trying to get me on the waiting list, I ended up paying for a private test as I felt stranded and stuck in between. Many GPs won’t refer you if they perceive you as “successful,” no matter how you say you are feeling, and in my case, even with objective evidence of poor mental health.

For me, diagnosis changed my life. For the first time ever, the way I felt made sense. I could be kind to myself, explain away the impulsive decisions I’d made, and understand how I could start on the journey to developing healthier coping strategies. I wish I had been diagnosed as a child, but I do not regret the life I have had. For me, diagnosis was always more likely; I’m white, middle-class, and male. I am one of the lucky ones. It’s estimated that 20% of the entire prison population has ADHD (either diagnosed or undiagnosed), whereas only 5% of the general population are estimated to have it. Diagnosis means treatment, like any health condition, and just ignoring it doesn’t make it go away but rather, makes it worse.

In conclusion, deciding whether to get your child diagnosed with ADHD or Autism is a deeply personal choice. It’s essential to consider how your child feels internally and to seek professional advice. Diagnosis can provide clarity, understanding, and access to necessary support and treatment, potentially changing their life for the better. For me the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.